he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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