she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
