Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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