Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
