The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
