Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
