can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
