so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
