He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
