At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
