hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
