is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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