i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
