They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just pee around me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize