Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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