Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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