You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
