She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
