you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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