Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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