Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
