i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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