She is in my trunk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
