I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
