so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
