I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
