Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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