Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
