i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
