Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize