god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
