i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Are we still banned from the library?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
