i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
