cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
