She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
