I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
