I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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