On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
