She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
3pm strippers are depressing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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