I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize