how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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