Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
