Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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