OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize