Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
