Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's get the cat blown out
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