I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
