Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
