Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
