To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just threw up on my dentist
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
