I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
