I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
