I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
