she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
