Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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