She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
