I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
