I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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