just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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