Already got asked if we're dating
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
