How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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