As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
