first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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