Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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