At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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