Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
