He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
