Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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