I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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