You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
