I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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