Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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