Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
