Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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