so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
