why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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