My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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