Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
