She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
