Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
