no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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